Bakersfield Life

On The Red Couch

larger view

Between work, children, marriage and extracurricular activities, working mothers have their hands full when trying to find a happy balance in their lives. This month “On The Red Couch” places four successful working moms together to talk about how they make life work in their favor.

Michelle Mize – The Mize Agency
Cheryl Scott – Vice President at Kern Economic Development Corporation
Carla Musser - Public Affairs Manager for Chevron
JoAnn Meyer – Senior Vice President of Aera Energy

Does the traditional family hierarchy exist in your family?

Michelle Mize – Yes, we have a traditional family structure.  My husband is head of the household in the Christian meaning of the word.  He does the manly stuff like take out the trash and cleans out the garage and I do the cooking, cleaning and laundry.   We are both busy so we do share a lot of family responsibilities.  Actually one of my favorite things to say is “I need a wife.”

Cheryl Scott - My husband, Darren, and I started dating so long ago (when we were teenagers) that it almost feels like we grew up together.  We have always approached marriage and parenting as a team and there are certain issues he is better suited to handle with our boys (14-year-old Jake and 11-year-old Zack) and some that I’m better suited to handle. The best part is that depending on the subject or the timing, either one of us can say to one another, “Okay, this ball is in your court!”  As the boys are getting older, I do see myself looking to Darren more to take the lead since he knows what it’s like to be a teen-aged boy!

Carla Musser - My husband and I share the responsibility of managing our family.  With both of us working full-time it takes both of us working together to keep everyone happy.

JoAnn Meyer - Traditional hierarchy in the most conventional sense does not exist in the family if by hierarchy you mean that the husband makes all of the decisions.  Of course, I don't make all of the decisions either.  There is a lot of flexibility around decision-making between Charles and I.

What is dinnertime conversation like for your family? Or does everyone’s schedules not match up with one another?

Michelle Mize - Even with all the kid activities we try and have dinner at the table most nights.  Our conversations usually are about the kids’ day.  Sometimes everyone talks at once and sometimes it is hurry up and eat, so we can go pick someone up or drop someone off.

Cheryl Scott - We try to have dinner together at the kitchen table on most nights that aren’t consumed with baseball games.  I admit, though, that
often happens thanks to the crock-pot or restaurant carry-out…having the energy and desire to cook a nice dinner is one of my greatest challenges as a working mom.  I think dinner at our house is pretty entertaining when it’s just the four of us; we can get pretty silly!  When the silliness calms down, though, the conversations are usually about the typical things, like, how our days went at school and work, and lately they have been turning to more forward-looking things like careers and colleges for the boys. With a high school freshman, I relish every minute of time together when I’m not competing with the computer, iPod, video games, television and yes, even homework!

Carla Musser - There are more times that our schedules do not match up at dinnertime during the week.  However, our lives seem to slow down more on the weekends and we purposely plan special family dinners on Saturday and Sunday.  

JoAnn Meyer - I have to work hard to get everyone around the table for dinners 3 or 4 times a week.  The conversation is usually about each person's day or upcoming events.  It is very common for us to discuss everyone's schedules for the next week or so.

Do you think more women are choosing to be stay-at-home mothers or heading straight back to work?

Michelle Mize - I think more women are trying to stay home or at least have part time schedules.  I think being in a good financial place is important so the husband and wife can choose what is best for their family.

Cheryl Scott - I have very dear friends on both sides of that aisle, but it does seem that women are, more and more, choosing to be working moms, whether it’s full-time or part-time or working flexible hours.  For those of us who do head to work after babies, it sure is helpful to work in a position where we have the flexibility to be there with our children when they really need us – whether it’s because they have broken their wrist, or just because they really want us to work at their class party or go on a field trip.

Carla Musser - I think the younger generation appears to take off more time with the birth of their children, versus my age group tended to go straight back to work.  This requires lots of pre-planning because most families need the dual income to pay the house and car payments.
   
JoAnn Meyer – What I see is that women have more options these days than I remember 20 years ago.  It is not unusual for a woman to ask for a modified work schedule which is part time versus full time immediately after she returns from maternity leave.  Most of the time, the company is able to meet her personal needs without sacrificing what the business needs.  This arrangement can exist for prolonged periods of time.

How do you find a happy balance between work and family?

Michelle Mize - I pray a lot.  I know my priorities and I try to never deviate from the plan.  If you keep God and family at the top of your priorities, everything else will fall into place.

Cheryl Scott - That’s the million-dollar question!  Just when you think you’ve got it under control, something goes haywire. There have been times when I felt like I was “robbing Peter to pay Paul” when it came to my time.  Like when I’ve had to be absent from work for a family activity…or, on the other hand, when I’ve had to work on the weekend or into the evening instead of focusing on the kids.  There was an internal struggle with guilt that I had to get past, but after 14 years, I realize better that the key is being where I am most needed at any given time, and trying to stay focused on the here and now. Jake and Zack are very good at communicating…if they see that I’m bringing my stress home or if I am a little distracted, they bring me back to earth.  I am amazed at how much insight children have when you ask for their take on an “adult” work issue; sometimes bringing them in on what is bothering me helps them understand the challenges we face in the work world, and it gives me the benefit of their unbiased and pure wisdom and advice, which is often right on target!

Carla Musser - It takes both my husband and I working together to balance work and family.  Communication is important to making this work.  We plan our schedules in advance as much as we can so we know who needs to be where and when, especially when one of us is going to be out of town.  Planning ahead makes our lives easier and causes the least disruption in our daily routine.

JoAnn Meyer - Balance is very tough and priorities are ever changing. There may be a month where there are increased demands at work and I have to spend less time with the boys and Charles than I would like. When the crunch is over, I try to re-evaluate and take specific actions to ensure that I don't just fall into the habit of working late every night.  I am privileged to work for a company that allows me flexibility to be involved with my children when situations arise – even during work hours.  Do I ever feel that I have found that perfect balance and I just need to follow the schedule - NO.

How do you manage extracurricular activities (sports, clubs, music lessons etc.) in the family?

Michelle Mize - I drive a lot and almost never have a free weekend.  It sounds crazy, but we usually have some sort of sports practice 4 -5 nights a week and games on the weekends – usually out of town.  We divide and conquer, my husband goes one way and I go another.  All three of my children play club sports and school sports – it is a challenge, but we love it.

Cheryl Scott - For us, it comes down to:  prioritizing, scheduling and helpful grandparents!  Our schedules are crazy-busy, so we have started to really prioritize our activities (which can be tough on a 14-year-old when it means YES to baseball lessons, but NO to guitar lessons…for now).  I’m blessed that my mom and dad live nearby and often come through in a pinch when it comes to driving to cross country meets or the orthodontist or resolving some unexpected crisis, like “Mom, my team picture is today and I don’t have my uniform with me!”

Carla Musser - We plan our schedules around extra curricular activities.  Between my job’s evening and weekend activities, and our kids’ activities, my husband and I ensure one of us attend our kids’ activities--if not both of us.

JoAnn Meyer - My lifestyle would not be possible if Charles was not as supportive and involved as he is.  We are fortunate that most days Charles has a bit more flexibility in his work schedule than I do.  As a result, if the boys have activities or appointments after school, many times Charles can plan his work-week to be available.
 
Is the role for working mothers different than it was ten years ago?

Michelle Mize - I hope that more women are trying to do it all – be a good mom and have a career.  Some people say you can’t do it all.  Why not?  For me it comes back to the balance thing – keep your priorities straight and you can do it all.  You just might need to redefine what “having it all” looks like.  It might not be monetary success – but it should be healthy family success.

Cheryl Scott - I think the biggest change for me has simply been that my boys have gotten older and more self-sufficient.

Carla Musser - I believe the role of the working mother is different than it was ten years ago.  Years ago it was expected that the mother cooked the dinner, picked up the kids from their activities, etc.  Today, the father has a 50% stake in these activities.  With my job my husband does more than his fair share; he cooks more dinners than I do.

JoAnn Meyer - Don't know that I think my role as a mom that works outside the home is different than 10 years ago.  Maybe it is for other women, but I am not sure that I have noticed much difference other than my children are older.

What advice do you have to share with other working moms?

Michelle Mize - Don’t miss anything – go to every class party, every play, and every soccer game.  Schedule your kids like you schedule your work appointments.  Take your vacation time or lose an hour of pay if you have to, but go to that school event or volunteer to be room mom.  Being a mom goes so fast and you never get to do it over.  Take your kids out to lunch too.  Use your lunch hour to make them feel special; you will get valuable one on one time that is difficult to have at night or weekends.  And the best part is they open up and tell you lots of juicy school drama.

Cheryl Scott - Having a strong support system of friends and family makes everything easier.  I’ve learned so much, and gained so much confidence, from some of my dear friends who are also moms, whether they work outside the home or not.  Their tips and encouragement are invaluable.  You never know where those women will be found, either – it might be through church, it might be co-workers, or it might be the next door neighbor…I’ve been lucky enough to find them in all those places and more.  

Carla Musser - Always maintain a balance between work and family.  This is important to your emotional well-being and your family’s.  Your family should be your first priority and your job second.  Families are not replaceable, jobs are. 

JoAnn Meyer - Work hard to find a little time to recharge your battery - everyone benefits from what might be a small investment of time – and take vitamins!!