- BlogMom's Blog - Bakersfield Life

Fashion Faux Pas!

I am a bit of a matchy-matchy kinda girl. In other words, my shirt and socks usually coordinate, as does my cardigan and sometimes even my shoes, if I can help it. But I am not a prim and proper dresser by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, one friend calls me a 'preppy hippie', because although I wear a lot of tie-dye's, I always have a matching cardigan to go with it. Unfortunately, I tend to inflict this neuroses on my children as well. Having two girls is fodder for dressing them alike--coordinating them down to their pacifier. But I am not a total freak, I do occasionally relent and let them pick out their own mis-matched outfits. For example, lately, my 3 -year-old's favorite shoes are her “Dorothy's,” as she calls them. In other words, her red sparkly shoes. It's something every girl seems to go through around this age. I remember my older daughter having the same obsession for her similarly sparkly silver shoes. In fact her shoe obsession has grown, but that's another blog altogether. Anyway, in the spirit of self-expression, I let my 7 year old wear her kimono to school yesterday. The pink silk Japanese style dress was given to her by her Grandpa a couple years ago. I was surprised it still fit her, but it did, so I told her she could wear it, as long as she put leggings underneath. I was afraid the slits on the sides might end up ripping if things got too crazy on the playground. But when I got a call at 9:30 that morning, it wasn't the slits that were the problem. The zipper had broken, and despite the school secretary's best efforts, it couldn't be repaired. So I took her a change of clothes and made sure she wasn't too scarred by the incident. She seemed fine and got dressed in time to go join her classmates for the 10:00 recess. So I guess the moral of the story is, if you're going to let your child dress in something a little eccentric, maybe pack a change of clothes into their backpack!

Low Maintenance Mom

The other day I gave my girls manicures and pedicures, much to their delight. This may not sound too unusual for the mother of two girls, but if you know me, then you know that it is a rare occurrance and a completely sacrificial act. I am what you would call, low-maintenance, at least when it comes to primping. That is to say, I can be ready in 15 minutes. Or at least, that used to be the case.

Later that same day we were trying to get out the door and it took over an hour and a half to motivate my girls into putting on clothes, brushing their teeth and combing their hair. Partly, I suppose, because they are hard to motivate in general. But partly because now I have to get 3 people ready before I can go anywhere. Used to be I'd roll out of bed, throw on my jeans, brush my teeth, throw my hair in a pony tail and be on my way. But gone are the days of speedy exits.

Now everything is painstaking. And I fear it will only get worse the older they become. I mean, if it's this hard to get a 3 and 7 year old ready, imagine the time they will spend in front of the mirror once they're teenagers. Sometimes I wonder whose children they are. I mean really, frilly dresses, nail polish, playing with make-up? That is not my modus operandi and never has been. But to each her own—I don't want to stifle their personalities, as different from mine as they may be. And who knows, there's still a small chance they'll grow into tomboys, right? Think of all the money I'll save on clothes and hair products if someday they're content to shop the Goodwill with me, all while sporting a pony tail.

Drive-thru Mom

The other day, my Mom kept my 3 year old for me while I went to an appointment. And when I returned to pick her up, my Mom sent home some leftovers for dinner. So I re-heated them for dinner and my girls raved. I'm not sure it was so much what she'd made, although her beef and noodles have been a family favorite for generations. It was probably more the fact that we were eating a home cooked meal and sitting at the table. I've been told by my oldest sister that sitting down as a family is essential to communication and community, but then again, her kids are older now and she is never home anyway, so I don't have to listen to her, do I?

Don't get me wrong, I like the idea of home-cooked meals. I can set a great table...plates, silverware, coordinating napkins...it's the cooking part I have trouble with. For one thing, I don't enjoy cooking. And for another, I'm not any good at it. I think this is due in part to the fact that I am inpatient and always trying to multi-task while say, frying bacon. Don't try this at home! It leads to burned bacon and blaring smoke detectors. Although I did recently learn how to cook bacon in the oven which saves me so much pain and suffering, not to mention grease burns! And the Crockpot, I have that wired, as long as all I have to do is dump in some chicken breasts and a jar of salsa. Still, how many times can you feed your children chicken in one week? Believe me, they start to revolt. But in order that my children don't consume more corn dogs than meats that come from an identifiable source, I try to limit that dinner choice, or at least sneak in a vegetable to compensate for my culinary shortcomings. For me, a home-cooked meal means we actually stay home and eat. Even if it is just something I heated up in the microwave. Let's face it, we all have our strengths. Mine just happens to be driving-thru.

To school or to home-school? That is the question...

Recent coverage of the child welfare dispute between the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services and Philip and Mary Long, has sparked a lot of discussion. The case, which brought the legality of home schooling into question, has got people from both sides speaking out.

The Second District Court of Appeal ruled that California law requires parents to send their children to full-time public or private schools or have them taught by credentialed tutors at home, according to an article that appeared in the San Francisco Chronicle.

"California courts have held that ... parents do not have a constitutional right to home school their children," Justice H. Walter Croskey said in the 3-0 ruling issued on Feb. 28. "Parents have a legal duty to see to their children's schooling under the provisions of these laws."

To read the article in its entirety click the link below:

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/c/a/2008/03/07/MNJDVF0F1.DTL

According to another article in the San Francisco Chronicle, our governor doesn't agree.

Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger denounced a state appeals court ruling that severely restricts homeschooling and promised Friday to change the law if necessary to guarantee that parents are able to educate their children at home, reported the Chronicle.

"Every California child deserves a quality education, and parents should have the right to decide what's best for their children," Schwarzenegger said in response to the ruling.

"Parents should not be penalized for acting in the best interests of their children's education," Schwarzenegger said. "This outrageous ruling must be overturned by the courts, and if the courts don't protect parents' rights then, as elected officials, we will."

State Education Secretary David Long, a Schwarzenegger appointee, said that meant the governor supported allowing parents without teaching credentials to educate their children.

"The governor sees this as a fundamental right of parental choice," he said.

To read more click the link below:

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/03/08/MNCHVG0SD.DTL&type=politics

As for me, I am not pro-home school. Nor am I pro-public school. I am pro parent choice. But I am also speaking as someone who has experienced both sides of the coin, and as such, I know there are pros and cons to both forms of education. I home-schooled my daughter for 2 years—for Kindergarten and 1^st grade. We went through a charter school who provided curriculum and guidance by a credentialed teacher, but ultimately curriculum choice was up to me, as was teaching style. The credentialed teacher's job was to ensure we were actually doing the work and keeping up with state standards. For me, the experience was good and bad. Good because my daughter got to be home with me longer and got to have a freer, more hands-on approach to learning for those two years. Bad because at the end of the two years it got to the point where I felt like I wasn't giving her what she needed, educationally speaking.

That wasn't because it can't be done, but simply because I was no longer in a position to do so, for several reasons. So I chose to put her in public school this year. She has a great teacher and has grown leaps and bounds in her learning. But the key here is that I chose. I believe very strongly in a parents right to choose what they deem to be best for their own children. True, some people make wrong choices, and if the choices are detrimental to a child's emotional or physical well-being, I understand the need for intervention. But in what manner a child is educated is not the issue.

Public school is one size fits some—we all know there are kids who aren't challenged enough and there are kids who fall through the educational cracks. And there's not much to be done about it, because there has to be a happy medium in order to accommodate most of the kids, who fall somewhere in the middle. But that shouldn't be a parents only option.

How we choose to approach the education of our children should not be forced upon us by the powers-that-be. To say our children need education is something we can all agree on. But to define it in narrow terms is not only ignorant, it's dangerous. We cannot impose our personal views upon others when it comes to education, any more than we should when it comes to any other issue. We all have different beliefs, based upon our personal experiences. And the freedom to live according to our individual belief systems is what makes this country unique. So why would we even begin to support legislation that would attempt to force us all into the same mold? After all, isn't diversity ultimately what we strive for? Freedom of religion, freedom of speech, and the freedom to choose how we educate our children. Sure, extremes will exist, but is that any different than the ways in which a public school falls short? One size does not fit all and therefore it should be left up to parents to decide what's best for their children—after all, no one knows them better.

Singing the Preschool Blues

I have never been a big advocate of preschool. Don't get me wrong, I know there are educational benefits and that some people don't have a choice whether or not to leave their kids while they work to support them. It's just that as a stay at home mom for the last 8 years, I have never been in a big hurry to kick my kids out of the nest. I mean, I home-schooled my oldest daughter up until this year—and reluctantly put her in public school at the ripe old age of 7. So maybe you can understand why I am having a little trouble wrapping my brain around the fact that I just enrolled my 3 ½ year old in preschool.

Granted, she is very excited about going—especially since her older sister gets to go to school every day and for the past 6 months she has been stuck at home with me all day. And sure, it's only two days a week for four hours a day. It's not like she's going off to college, for heaven's sake. But in my heart and mind, she might as well be. To think of her out there in the world without me, is well, daunting. But I am starting some classes toward my Master's degree in a few weeks and was looking for options for her.

Although my Mom could keep her the three days a week I'll be in class, this seemed like a better fit for everyone. My daughter gets some peer time and my Mom doesn't have to commit to more than one day a week. Problem is, logic doesn't apply in matters of the heart. I know she'll be fine. She'll probably be better than fine. If she's anything like her older sister she'll be pushing me out the classroom door before I'm ready to leave. But that's what we want for our children, right? Confidence, independence, the ability to be well-adjusted. Sure, I guess. So maybe it's guilt or maybe it's just that I need to get over my identity crisis and realize my kids are okay without me for awhile. But I can at least take credit for the fact that they're well adjusted, can't I?

Trading sleep for sanity...

It's after 1 a.m. I should have been in bed hours ago because I have to be up at 6 to get my daughter ready for school. But I am burning the midnight oil. Why? Because I am a member of an elite group--inMomniacs . Sure, there are your traditional insomniacs, but we're different, because we're sleep-deprived by choice. There is a whole group of us who, after the witching hour, are finally allowed to come alive in another way. Not that being a Mother isn't fulfilling--it's just all-consuming. Most minutes during the day we can barely get a word in edgewise, let alone form a complete, intelligible sentence. So while everyone else is catching zzz's, we trade the sleep we so desperately need, for precious alone-time. By day, we are car-poolers, nose-wipers, homework helpers, cooks, maids, laundresses and more. And we don't clock out at 5. But when the final eyelid closes on the last wakeful child, we tip-toe to freedom. For me the time is usually spent in front of the computer--catching up on e-mails, journaling, maybe watching a show on-line that I missed in between all the other demands of my day to day life. It doesn't really matter how we Mom's spend our spare time, as long as it doesn't revolve around anyone but us. Selfish? Hardly! The way I see it, it's the only way to stay sane. And after all, if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

Growing Up Is Hard to Do...

For as long as I can remember, my parents have been adults. That is to say, grown ups, in the true sense of the word. I mean, financially responsible, 'together' people. Of course, I didn't really know them when they were younger and just starting out in the parenting game. But by the time I was aware of them they seemed to have the hang of it. That is, if you don't count high school when I just thought they were lame. Then there were my 20's, when I finally realized they were real people, just like me, and so I took them down off their pedestal and began to cut them some slack.

Once I had my own kids the appreciation grew even more. All that to say, I keep waiting for the adult thing to kick in with me. When am I going to get it all together? When am I going to know what I'm doing? In life, with my kids, my money, etc.

My Mom had finished having babies by the time she was 25. I didn't even start until I was almost 30. And my parents even took in other kids, as foster parents, and later adopted my two youngest siblings. Talk about a tough act to follow! Most days I can barely manage taking care of my own two kids, forget helping to raise anyone else's.

In some ways, things were much more clear cut back then. My Mom stayed home, my Dad brought home the bacon. But my Mom was a great homemaker. Good cook, great housekeeper. Me, not-so-much. I could blame it on my career, if I had one. But as a stay at home Mom, recently turned single Mom, I am floundering. Trying to find my footing in an ever-changing world. Never mind that I have a college degree. It doesn't make breaking back into the work force any easier when you've been out of it for awhile. Nor does it make leaving your kids to go back to work easy. Us Moms are torn between two worlds. Or at least I am. I suppose I can only speak for myself, but I think it is something a lot of Mom's struggle with. The trade-off, the balance. Juggling the two roles. Even with a father in the house it's no easy fete.

Luckily, I have great parents. Who support me and encourage me and love me in the midst of my insanity. And so I will figure it out (or at least I hope I will) eventually, and maybe, someday, my own children will think I have it all together. It's something to work toward anyway.